October 14, 2015
Alexia Isaak
In life, we like how it feels when we go with the flow, practice the art of allowing and let things be. Many times our instinct tells us to buck, argue and fight our way through. Then we wonder why life feels so hard. Like in all areas of life, there is a happy medium. It is important to trust your intuition, slow down and let life happen, but there are other times when you shouldn’t just go with what’s happening around you. You have that eerie feeling for a reason. If something doesn’t sit well with you, it’s important to acknowledge and respect that feeling.
In most cases, when you get that uneasy feeling, it is a signal to you to set and respect a boundary with yourself and/or with another. There are plenty of people who will not respect your space or time. If you aren’t careful to establish the boundary for fear of upsetting the other person, you are just people pleasing. You aren’t respecting yourself, nor are you respecting the other person.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you aren’t supposed to be in a relationship with another person. There are tons of boundaries between siblings, parents and children and those relationships are there. Boundaries are meant to help the relationship, not set up walls and rooms in it. Setting boundaries is a healthy way to give you the space and freedom to be who you are.
Setting boundaries does not mean you no longer have to be considerate of another or compromise. You will always need to make those choices. Compromising is often a person’s emotionally mature response to another’s boundary. If you can compromise and be considerate of another, they can do the same for you.
Although not everyone will respect your boundaries, it’s important not to shy away from setting them. It’s been and is an ongoing lesson for me because it was always easier for me to choose to be a door mat and a people-pleaser even if it was never emotionally easier for me. The longer I make the choice to establish boundaries, the more I see how everyone in the relationship is happier when a boundary is established. We may not always like it at first or in the moment the boundary is set, but in time the boundaries help the relationship to flourish. Set and respect your boundaries today because you can!