November 17, 2010
Alexia Isaak
I'm very committed to my exercise routine, and part of that is a regular swim. Though most of the time I get to the gym pool and can hop right into a lane, from time to time the pool is full, and I'm forced to either wait or ask someone to share a lane. One day I was fortunate enough to hop right into the pool and the cool water rushed around me as I commenced the freestyle strokes I learned as a child on the swim team.
I was feeling my muscles engaged and the blood flowing as I slipped through the water feeling free and alive. Stroke after stroke and flip turn after flip turn passed. I was empowered by the water and adrenaline. The time passed through my workout and before it was complete, I started to feel the need to go to the ladies room. In just 10 more minutes I'd be done with my swim, but nature would not let me wait, so I got out of the pool, put on my flip flops, and trotted off to the women's locker room restrooms. Three minutes later I returned to the pool to find a senior citizen in my lane. I figure that's ok, we'll just lane share.
I looked at her an politely asked to share the lane I had just inhabited. She looked at me in shock when I asked if we could lane share, but she consented as I wasn't done with my swim. She proceeded to trash talk me by saying, "If you move your meat. You lose your seat," at which point I think I looked at her in shock. Regardless she said we could lane share, so I hopped right back in the pool and finished my swim that day surprised at how rude people can be.
Life carried on, and I went back to the pool for another swim. There she was, sitting at the end of a lane having a conversa-
tion or a fight with a gentleman. All the lanes appeared to be full, and the gentleman offered me the lane they were arguing in so I could swim. Eager to get my workout going, I hopped in and started swimming. I could catch glimpses of the lady's encounter with the gentleman as I reached each end of the pool. Before I knew it, the old lady was physically fighting with the man and splashing water at him over the lane ropes as he was swimming. When I swam by her, she poked me in the rear end. This behavior from a senior citizen was astonishing.
I thought to myself, "I never want to behave in such a way in my lie," and I thought the old lady at the pool was a prime example of an anti-mentor or that person you observe and know you don't want to emulate. I don't want to be like that old lady and figure that the purpose in her crossing my path in life was to share her bad example. Who's your anti-mentor?
Ann
I’m no gerontologist, but could we think charitably about this lady? I was not there, so I do not know. However, so many of our elders are affected with mild to severe dementia, which affects behavior. She also could have been a victim of abuse, which irrevocably changed her worldview. Or, she could just be a mean person. We’ll never know.
Alexia Isaak
The story take-away was meant to about a bad behavior example. The fact that she was a senior was an extra shock. After seeing the way this woman was arguing and splashing and having had a relative with dementia, I’d have to say they certainly fall in separate categories. I certainly would have had a different perspective had the woman let on at all that she was less than completely cognizant of what she was doing. Thanks for the comment! Keep them coming.
Russella
It was, indeed, unconscionably rude behavior, not to mention disgraceful, disrespectful, and unbecoming of her station in life. I always wonder, as Ann did above, what possesses people to behave in such a manner, and I try to remind myself of all the times I must have had a negative impact upon people and caused them pain or suffering. This helps me stay humble and forgive the other person and reminds me to give people the benefit of the doubt. Still . . . it can be terribly difficult to do when I am faced with mean behavior.
Just this morning, I had a similar thing happen to me at the pool. I like to smile at fellow swimmers even if I don’t know them because I’m just so happy to be able to swim and also because smiling usually elevates my mood and that of others. So, I definitely smile and always politely inquire of an incumbent swimmer if I may share a lane. This morning, a man in his fifties ignored me as if he hadn’t heard me, and as I waited, he finally said, “No. Early bird gets the worm; it’s my lane.” (btw, what is it with older generations using idioms as weapons of rudeness? Can’t they manage a regular sentence?) Shocked, just like you, I kind of stood there feeling like a fool, mouth agape, and repeated “No? Um, why not?” He told me to go swim elsewhere and pattered on about his bum knee and how he didn’t want me to bump it, etc. I could understand his fear, but he didn’t have to immediately refuse me a swimming lane in a public pool without giving me the opportunity to reassure him that I am an experienced lane-sharer; he doesn’t pay for private lane use. Within minutes, he changed his mind, and said “fine, get in, enjoy your swim,” and he got out and left, all the while, I might add, without ONCE making direct eye contact with me. I don’t understand it when men do this. It bugs me so much.
Anyway, I can completely empathize with you and am so grateful that this man did not poke me as the old lady did to you. I’m very sensitive, and that would have made me feel even more awful (as it is, I have to work at it to avoid letting such altercations ruin my whole morning).
Love your blog – it makes me feel better. Keep up the great work.
Alexia Isaak
Hi Rusella,
You made my day! I love your comment on the post. Each and every day we encounter anti-mentors even in the smallest of ways, like I don’t want to drive like that person over there.
I’m also glad to find another swimmer. It is wonderful to glide through the water so freely, isn’t it?
How lucky are we to encounter the mean people at the pool! We do have to take a step back and remember we don’t know what’s going on in their lives that we don’t know about. The mean lady I encountered really is the exception to most of my experiences at the gym pool, but it sure does make me do as you do and look to see if there are others around who need to lane share.
The best we can strive for is go forth and try to be a good example every day as much as we can. I’m not going to lie and tell folks I don’t have a bad day now and then. On a whole I try to take each day with the moods and attitudes that come along with it while aiming to choose the best path. I figure if I can make the best choices in one day, then over the course of the week, month, year, etc. I’ll be making better choices. It’s so much easier and less stressful to focus on right now.
I’m glad you enjoy the blog. If you have any requests for posts, please let me know! Tomorrow’s post is by request of a reader. Cheers!