December 23, 2015
Alexia Isaak
Last time, we looked at how we may love another person best through letting that person go and giving space. People often take the space and time to heal and grow. If you let the person go, he or she may return to your life, but the only way to know is if you release them from your life your mind and your heart.
This time, I want to explore a similar concept from a different perspective. I want to explore how sometimes loving yourself (rather than loving the other person) can mean letting the other person go.
We’ve all had toxic relationships come though our lives from time to time, and that toxicity can be death to your self-love, self-esteem, self-worth and even your life in some extreme instances.
Why do we even choose to remain in toxic relationships? Do we feel that having the person in our life is better than not having him or her? Are we afraid of being alone or facing ourselves after removing the distraction from our lives? Do we become so preoccupied with helping the toxic person that we forget about our bad feelings and ourselves? Or, are we afraid of actually facing the conflict of telling another person to leave your life?
Well, that’s not love. It’s not love from another, even if you sometimes feel good with that person, and it is certainly not loving yourself to subject yourself to disrespect, stress, and anything that makes you feel less than your best.
If you are clear about what you want to create in the relationships in your life, you can align each relationship with what you are looking to give and receive from them. Then you can make a wise decision (not just an emotional decision) about what you can tolerate. If there are huge gaps in your desires and reality that you can’t work though, then that’s a big clue to turn away and move on. There is a difference between being patient and tolerant, after all.
Letting go can be very hard. It is sad to lose someone. You often lose having your love tank filled in many areas like quality time and physical touch. Having those things one day and not the next can be very challenging, but if you use the pain as an opportunity to learn and grow, then it can be quite beautiful in the end.
I encourage you to make the choice to love yourself when you need to, even if it is hard, because you can!