In the past, I have written on the purpose of guilt and its impact on our lives. I've talked about being brought up in a guilt-heavy culture. As a result, it feels like I never do anything right, and I'm constantly struggling for perfection. As easy as it is to recognize, it's quite a challenge to release. Letting go of guilt may be a process and it may be something you need to do over and over.
The last couple of years have proved to be a challenge. Things are finally simmering down and I have some time to reflect on everything. I was having some health issues related to my head injury. So often when my health failed, I believed I was being punished for something bad I had done.
The problem with that is we all do bad things, and we never stop. We're human, and being human, I have no ability to atone for my guilt. I have embodied my guilt for lack of perfection to a severe degree and it has manifested through my health. Tonight I finally had a revelation about my guilt and its impact on my mind and body.
In trying to neutralize my imperfection, I've been acting as God, using guilt as punishment to myself. I've wrapped myself in invisible chains that only I can see. The guilt has consumed me to a point of sickness and blaspheme. By acting as God in my own life, I'm telling God I am better than He. It was time for me to deal with guilt in a new way.
It's amazing how you don't think of those things when you try to, but when you are ready to listen, they appear.
As I lay realizing what I've been torturing myself with for years, an old Bible verse came to me.
All I heard was, "My grace is enough. My grace is enough. My grace is enough." I came home and searched for all the verses about guilt. The Bible doesn't use the word guilt, but it talks about a lot of things that cause and result from it. When I couldn't find guilt, I turned to the word that came to me, 'grace'. The first verse that appeared was the one I had heard.
2 Corinthians 12:19
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness. ”Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
My guilt was lifted because I know what God has told me. His grace is sufficient, not my implementation of guilt, but grace. I will never be perfect on my own but I am a vessel for grace. I can move on with peace and without guilt. I may have to remind myself of this for a while until it is natural, but I know His grace is sufficient for me. Embrace grace because you can!