July 11, 2013
Alexia Isaak
When I think of abusive relationships, my mind gravitates towards the sad cases of battered women out there, which is a terrible situation. However, we tend to glaze over the many other kinds of abuse people
endure outside of physical battery. Through some personal and non-personal experience, I've come to encounter a number of other kinds of abusive behavior out there, and wish to make you aware of it in case you or a friend may be experiencing it.
Below are five examples of abusive behavior that you might not pinpoint as
abuse right away because they are less obvious forms of abuse.
1. Pressure: Some abusers pressure you to behave or do things that you do not want to do. Many people have been pressured into sex, drinking, and drugs. A person who loves you will not pressure you to do anything you do not want to do out of your on will.
2. Words: Other people are habituated in verbal abuse, i.e. name calling, constant criticism and belittling another person. This is a mechanism that is used to lower another's self-esteem so they can gain and maintain control over the other person. Love says, "My will for you is your will for you." Love does not call you an idiot or stupid.
3. Jealousy: Jealousy and a lack of trust is another form of abuse because it is a subtle way of telling another person they are acting in a way that is untrustworthy. The receiver will often overcompensate by trying to constantly prove their trustworthiness. This results in giving up freedoms and passions in life to prove love to the jealous person.
4. Control:A person trying to control you by not "letting" you live your life and being true to yourself is not showing love.
When I think of abusive relationships, my mind gravitates towards the
sad cases of battered women out there, which is a terrible situation,
and we tend to glaze over the many other kinds of abuse people
endure
outside of physical battery. Then some personal and non-personal
experience, I've come to encounter a number of other kinds of abusive
behavior out there, and wish to make you aware of it in case you or a
friend may be experiencing it.
Below, are a five examples of abusive behavior that you might not
pinpoint as abuse right away because it is less obvious than others.
1. Pressure: Some abusers pressure you to behave or do
things that you do not want to do. Many people have been pressured into
sex, drinking, and drugs. A person who loves you will not pressure you
to do anything you do not want to do out of your on will.
2. Words: Other people are habituated in verbal abuse,
i.e. name calling, constant criticism and belittling another person.
This is a mechanism that is used to lower another's self-esteem so hey
can gain and maintain control over the other person. Love say, "My will
for you is your will for you." Love does not call you an idiot or
stupid.
3. Jealousy: Jealousy and
a lack of trust is another form of abuse because it is a subtle way of
telling another person they are acting in a way that is untrustworthy.
The receiver will often overcompensate by trying to constantly prove
their trustworthiness. This results in giving up freedoms and passions
in life to prove love to the jealous person.
4. Control: A person trying to control you
by not "letting" you live your life and be true to yourself is not
showing love. Control is crippling, and again, the person receiving the controlling behavior tries to prove there is no reason to need to be controlled. That
person will stay home every night or check in multiple times a day to
prove there is no reason for the controlling behavior.
5. Fear: Living in constant fear of what might set
the other person off. When an abuser is in constant threat of acting and
reacting to anything, it's normal to live an existence of fear. That
fear is one of the most negative emotions you can experience and it acts
as a self-inflicted prison cell.
If you are engaged in an abusive relationship, I hope you can find
the wherewithal and courage to get out of it. Often times, we are so
wrapped up in the relationship with children and financial commitments,
that it seems easier to put up with the situation rather than get out.
If you love yourself, please find a way to get out or solve the problem
somehow. You are a success for choosing to care for yourself rather than
being quiet and accepting abusive behavior. If you need to, find a
counselor who specializes in abuse and get the help you need to take
action. Then, as you grow self-love and are yourself around others, you
will attract someone who loves you for who you are. Please leave a coment with your thoughts ore experiences. It is possible to change your life because you can!
5. Fear: Living in constant fear of what might set the other person off. When an abuser is in constant threat of acting and reacting to anything, it's normal to live an existence of fear. That fear is one of the most negative emotions you can experience and it acts as a self-inflicted prison cell.
If you are engaged in an abusive relationship, I hope you can find the wherewithal and courage to get out of it. Often times, we are so wrapped up in the relationship with children and financial commitments that it seems easier to put up with the situation rather than get out. If you love yourself, please find a way to get out or solve the problem somehow. You are a success for choosing to care for yourself rather than being quiet and accepting abusive behavior. If you need to, find a counselor who specializes in abuse and get the help you need to take action. Then, as you grow self-love and are yourself around others, you will attract someone who loves you for you are. Please leave a comment with your thoughts ore experiences. It is possible to change your life because you can!