I recently heard Lou Giglio give a talk on the kinds of unresolved childhood issues many of us have that prevent us from being whole people. When we aren’t whole it’s hard to build solid relationships with others. I found his insights in regards to childhood issues that are so useful and applicable to anyone that I would like to share them with you. Lou talks about a series of unresolved issues that many of us have. We don’t have to have them all, but it’s likely that at least one will apply. The hope in sharing them is that you gain some self-awareness and open your eyes to issues that may lead to a path to healing and becoming whole. If we are whole people then we can build better, stronger relationships with others. Below are the 5 areas Lou brought to our attention:
1. Inherited Problems:
None of us is perfect including our parents, so whatever habits your parent or parents may have, you very likely have inherited some of those habits. For example you may have taken your mom’s worrying or your dad’s temper. We all say we’ll never do that thing that mom or dad did, but one day we wake up and realize, “I’m just like them.”
2. Abandonment Issues:
This issue stems from having a parent leave or pass away or work so much they were never at home. From feeling a sense of abandonment on any scale, people tend to react by both clinging to all their relationships and being needy or by rejecting relationships because they don’t need anyone and never have.
3. Enabling Issues:
This comes from having a parent that was more of a friend than a parent. This is a parent that doesn’t say no and mean it and never disciplines their child. The child grows up never knowing how to take no. Enabled kids often grow up misbehaving because they’re crying out for the love of a parent shown through the act of discipline.
4. Starvation Issues:
This comes from carefully doled out love and affection. Love was given as a reward for good behavior, and not unconditionally. Kids often respond to starvation by running to any attention even if it isn’t sincere or meant to last. This often happens when people “look for love in all the wrong places.”
5. Abuse ISsues:
This is pretty self-explanatory. Abuse is either physical or emotional, and children who have endured an abusive parent have more healing and forgiving to do than most of us.
I encourage you to consider yourself in these scenarios to see if there may be some issues you need to face. Awareness is the first step to forgiving and healing from wrongs. Please face the challenge if you need to because you can!