April 25, 2013
Alexia Isaak
For the last year, I've been on a path of discovery centered on learning the true meaning of self-love and choosing happiness and joy. I've made many posts about this journey including several about trusting your intuition and practicing the art of allowing.
Understanding these things was just one layer of the onion. After recognizing that I needed to love myself, make new choice, and allow things to happen, I had to take the next, more challenging step to actually do those things.
I remember the first times I stood up for myself and made decisions that were in my best interest, rather than making a decision that I thought would simply please another person. These long patterns of making decisions of sacrifice resulted in me having a poor sense of self-worth. When I finally made the choice to respect myself, be honest with myself, and finally speak up about what I really think and feel, I cried. I cried buckets, but they were the most empowering tears of all. The next time I stood up for myself, and other times since then, I grew stronger and didn't need to cry anymore.
As I try to make new choices and create new pathways through practicing the art of allowing, I'm still very challenged by impatience. I have a big long-term vision and I want everything to happen now without "stopping to smell the roses" and enjoy the experience as I'm going through it. It's like eating your meal too fast without stopping to actually taste the food. Patience is hard for me, but with a little awareness and presence of mind, I learned I could choose it.
For example, I traveled the last couple of weeks for my job. Last week, my flight was cancelled which was going to make me miss a writing class I had signed up to take. I had worked hard and was upset to lose the time and money I had invested in the class. I confess that I lost my patience and my temper about a situation that was entirely out of my control. I replayed the incident in my mind going through each step with a kind attitude and patience.
This week, I got to try again. Amidst downpours, my flights home to make it to my class were all delayed, and my hopes of getting there at all were shattered. Rather than choosing to fight a situation I couldn't change, I decided to start working on a solution. I adjusted my travel plans, re-booked my hotel for an extra night and made arrangements to attend my class with Face Time.
Little did I know that technology would fail me, and despite my and my classmate's best efforts, we could not connect. So, I could not even attend my class virtually. Again, I had to make a choice to get upset over something I could not control, or work on a solution. I decided to choose patience and calmness and email the program director about my options. I asked if I could drop the class and retake it in the next session without having to pay the fee again, and she quickly replied that it was okay.
In just a few short weeks, I can start over with a clean slate and no extra money out of my pocket. It only cost me a little time, but I did do some good writing and work on my second book in the meantime. I was challenged to think, and most importantly, I learned that I really could make a new choice, allow things that are out of my control to happen, and crate a new pathway with a positive attitude and a happy disposition.
This isn't easy for me, and I don't expect it to be easy for anyone. It isn't a habit yet, and although I'm doing better, it will take some time and practice to be my true nature. I know these small changes add up to big results. I encourage you to create new pathways when you need to because you can!