February 05, 2015
Alexia Isaak
There are two people in your relationships, and this dynamic requires balance. There's a certain amount of giving and receiving for both parties, but what happens when this gets out of balance? Resentment can infiltrate your relationship and cause damage. For this reason, it's important to be aware of yourself and the dynamic of your relationship.
Many people feel they only give in their relationships, but they often give setting the expectation to get something back. They may have very clear definitions of what they feel they should receive, and when those expectations aren't met, the person becomes angry.
On the other hand, there are people that enter into relationships, not for what they can give, but for what they can get out of it. The person is happy in the relationship as long as he or she feels like she is getting value out of it, and as soon as that ends, so does the relationship. Maybe that person is looking for money, entertainment, social status, etc. This is a very selfish relationship.
I'm not saying you shouldn't get anything out of your relationship. you should, otherwise no one would be in one. I'm talking about being extreme in the taking side of a relationship. I started to consider this more as I examined the relationships in my life that have been the most successful and those that have not. I came to see that my most successful relationships have been the ones where both parties are constantly giving to each other, and as a result, we both get a lot out of the relationship. That energy in turn drives you to continue giving.
There are other people who are wonderful givers and don't look to get much from the other person. It's easy to feel like those are successful if you're the taker, but you may not be putting much effort into them. I have definitely spent my fair share of time on the selfish side. In truth, it's a lie to believe a warm body alone is enough to make a relationship thrive.
I'm becoming aware of this tendency to look into the "what's in it for me" only. I want to engage in positive thinking and be conscious of giving more. There are many signs of being selfish in a relationship to help you be aware. The saying goes, "The greatest joy is in giving." If you aren't normally a giver, it may be hard to try a new mode of operation, but I'd say try giving more in your relationships with your friends, partner, work, even if you feel like you are already giving enough. I guarantee you will see a change in your attitude that will spur a change for the better in your relationships. You will display true strength by choosing to be there for the other person instead of just expecting the other person in your relationship to just be there for you. Give without expectation and a pure heart because you can!
How do you give in your relationships? Share your ideas.